For my 19th birthday, my mother gifted me a copy of Developing The Leader Within You by John C. Maxwell. The book’s blurb guaranteed expert level leadership advice, with frameworks with proven results.
The timing was great – I was a few months into my last year of 6th form, with a slew of extracurricular activities compounding university applications and final exams. I was struggling to maintain perfection lite required of the exemplary student leader title. After all, all the best role models could balance everything at once and then some. Right?
Luckily, this book would teach me how to balance it all and continue being impressive enough to garner respect – that’s what leadership is, right?
Fast forward to young adulthood. At 25, most of what I’ve learned about leadership (and other aspirational traits) came from unexpected sources at unexpected times.
As 2025 slinked around the corner, I felt a hopeful stillness about what was coming next. Rather than starting the year by holding a checklist over my head, this is how I foster pride and achievement without shame.
my pattern recognition is too real
On days when I’m strong enough for feeling perceived by myself, I skim through my journal and look at the most frequent topics in my sporadic entries.
For example, I’ll notice a common theme of wanting to put myself out there more – as a student, as a friend, as an artist.
After wiping away the shame of reflection, I compare how much I’ve grown on that front in the months or years since the topic came up.
Sometimes, I realized the goal wasn’t as important to me anymore, so I moved my mental clutter around to clear out the old and polish the new. Both perspectives are valid, and are worth visiting at any time we feel pulled to – not just with a new year.
When we alchemize comparison to introspection, and anger to rest, we can make trackable changes whenever we feel like it.
I’m still learning to be proud of who I’ve become without being ashamed of who I used to be. It’s tricky to untangle, but seeing the hard proof that I’ve done the work – priceless.
embrace your cycles
I’ve experienced menstruation for more than half my life, but I just recently began to understand how the cycles work – what exactly happens at each stage, what drops and rises in my body, and how I can best cater to my needs as they evolve.
Aligning my tasks, meals and physical activity with these cycles has been a fun experiment for me.
Uterine shedding aside, it’s also been fulfilling because it’s coached me to really listen, in the methodical sense: turn down the volume on everything else, and focus on what this signal is saying.
It feels worthwhile to honor the weather of my body with this much attention to detail.
It seems that in turn, I’ve unearthed a new level of understanding by which I hear myself clearer, feel my body’s cues more sharply, and despite anxieties, I walk with a a sense of individual purpose in my stride.
I got my third tattoo after a summer that felt like both the best of times and the worst of times.
in conclusion
Pursuing goals of all sizes becomes less scary when I remove strict hows, whys and whens. Allowing things to be bite-sized (without stigma) celebrates the integrity of getting up and going at it for the right reasons – to create, to help, to elevate. Speed and timelines become secondary to dedication and heart.
The more open I am to flexing with my journey, the more space I provide my goals to take form.
It’s almost as if…every solution we’re seeking is already inside of us?
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