5 Things To Do When You’re In A Freeze State

Do you remember the Windows XP sign off page?

“Saving your settings – Windows is shutting down.”

Feeling that happen to your brain in real time is a kind of out of body experience that’s hard to describe. When I think of fight (rah!) vs flight (ah!), the dichotomy seems more simple – black and white, if you will.

The freeze state is one of many that lie in the gradient between fight and flight, where our emotions may carry less identifiables reasons. At its core, it’s another coping mechanism for overwhelming emotions that are too scary to feel.

Freezing puts life on pause, but as with everything else, avoidance is only helpful to us in moderation. When I notice my mind detaching from the present, these are my go-to grounding methods to recalibrate:

taste

I’ve unashamedly added treats as a core need in my life, the same way I do with my favorite self care rituals.

There was a time when I would walk 10 minutes to Safeway solely to purchase a pint of mango sorbet.

When I’m clammed up, they’re life savers. Going for something super – sweet, sour, cold or warm sour – tantalizes the old buds enough to me ground me in the moment.

I think it does something to my sacral chakra to feel awakened by enjoying a tasty sensation. My usual picks are frozen fruit (or sorbet!), kiskos, soda or tea.

touch

I never really understood the “I must be dreaming- pinch me!” thing. When I learned how the vagus nerve can be soothed with a change in temperature, it made me think: what other calming responses can I get from my skin?

Heating pad + weighted stuffed animal + blanket combo? Den sitn can nicer dan dis?

Here are my current favorites – and there’s variety in size, portability and cost!

heating/cooling pad – for my vagus nerve (chest area), back, neck and tummy
Weighted blankets – if those are too heavy, weighted stuffed animals are just as comforting
lip scrubs – massaging lips, stimulating sense of touch – with a bonus of exfoliation! Then I’m just impressed by how soft my lips are. Then I’m looking for a lip gloss. Boom – freeze broken.
massage balls – for relieving tension in neck, feet, and hands. When I’m particularly tense, these are like micro dosing a massage.
Tactile craft activities – fun tasks that take agile hands and relaxed critical thinking have saved me from a few spirals. Making Lego sets, crocheting, or just doing my makeup help bring me back to the present, without being too high commitment.

sight

Gaming has been an unexpectedly fun hobby for me this year. When I decided to get a Nintendo Switch Lite, I hoped it would give me a cool distraction from everyday life, if even just for a two-month spurt. Instead, I found a refreshing activity that gives me a quick escape from the real world.

I hadn’t owned a gaming console since my Nintendo DS, so I forgot how satisfying it is to twiddle some buttons in a fantasy world. I really try to lock in on the colors, gradients and lines that make the experience so immersive.

This cowgirl look i did in Disney Dreamlight Valley was a chomp! A lie? Like, you see the two-toned unit. (I have accumulated over 300 hours on this game.)

Like a good book, I love when I get to be a character in a universe where the stakes are a little less higher than those in my real world.

hearing

Listening to podcasts is like eavesdropping on the loud people two tables down. You know you shouldn’t, but…what the heck, why not.

Hearing other people’s spiraling trains of thought helps to quiet mine. It also reminds me to take a 30,000-ft view of whatever’s making me feel anxious in that moment, when I realize how many more things are happening in the world that feel better to think on.

Here are my current listens:

A Touch More (Sue Bird and Megan Rapinoe) – women’s sports
Sounds Like a Cult (Amanda Montell and Isa Medina) – history, sociology and pop culture (i.e. cults)
Everything Goes (Emma Chamberlain) – the collective musings of 20-somethings
Bonus: ASMR sounds like brown noise, green noise, thunderstorms or wind? Too good for quieting the mind. My go-to is the 12 Hour Sound Machines pod – they have a super wide variety.

smell

I’m always surprised at how much a pleasant aroma can improve my mood. I think as long as you’re sniffing safely, a good smell tool is a great addition in your care kit.

My latest free Reward pick up because yeah, Bath & Body Works has my number – they check up on me every now and then. Cheers.

Eucalyptus, peppermint oil in a diffuser. A candle that reminds me of a time. A mini hand sanitizer in a comforting scent is a portable way to ground myself in my present surroundings.

a diffuser with essential oils (eucalyptus always gets the job done)
a candle that smells edible – I LOVE a warm and sweet scent, I want to be a warm and sweet scent
A hand sanitizer in a comforting scent – I recently found the MiniBac to a Bath and Body Works candle I got in summer 2022 (i.e. the hottest girl summer I’ve ever had.) It also acts as a lovely pick me up when I’m feeling icky in public.

It’s been quite helpful to have a customized toolkit designated for when I need support. Remembering that I can guide myself out of a prickly state allows me to face them with more courage than fear.

As time passes, the better I can anticipate the tools best suited for those moments. 🌺

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